An open letter

To: Rhinovirus

CC: all strains there is

Hi, I really hope you’d go away as soon as possible; I mean, you’ve been thriving in my nose for a week now and I think it’s due time that you leave. However, if you want to stay a little longer, it’s fine. I understand. But please know that you’re only allowed to stay with me until Saturday. I’m scheduled to take advantage of a certain baby on Sunday, and I so like babies and I don’t want my friend’s newborn to catch you from me. Also, I’m running out of tissues and I’m kinda getting sick of sneezing like there’s no tomorrow. I would really appreciate it if you take this letter into consideration because if you don’t, I’d be forced to annihilate you by all means. That’s all. Kthnksbye.

almost suicidal

the irony of it is that even when it's true that yourself is your greatest enemy, when everything gets so fucked up and the demons in your head keep telling you that you're better off dead, nobody else can save you but yourself. it's not because other people don't care, I mean maybe they actually don't, but the thing is, every major decision in your own life will be made by yourself. some people may influence you to some extent; however, during the nights when you feel so alone even if there are other people in the room, what you do and how you handle your situation will depend on your own perceptions. hence, you may be your own greatest enemy, but you can also be your own savior. suicidal thoughts are normal, I think. what isn't normal is when you let these thoughts govern you and consume you.

Waiting... hoping... dying? Wait, what?

Psychology says I am an insensitive narcissist. Well, as a matter of fact, some people who do know me also say that. I won't write on how they are wrong, no, this post is not about me defending myself from their accusations, because the thing is, they are probably right. 

I mean, I do care about other people, but I only sincerely feel that way for them when I know they care for me, too.  I know I am selfish, and a very close loved-one even told me before that I get by without even caring. That statement did hurt me, surprisingly. I mean, come on, I care about my family and I care about my friends, and my dog. I know they love me, so I love them, as well. Maybe I just don’t know how to properly show it all the time. That's why a doctor of psychology told me before to try to be sweeter, which I have been trying (and failing) to do. 

Nevertheless, when it comes to that other kind of love, you know, the one which is not familial or friendly, I still do prefer to be numb just so I can be invincible. Someone even told me I don’t know what hurt feels like, because real hurt, according to that person, is knowing you've disappointed someone you love. Somehow he seemed right, I mean, how can I hurt if I am not willing to let anybody in. Then again, the point of not letting anybody in is about not getting emotionally hurt.  

I didn’t realize that trying to be invincible can actually lead to my defeat. (deleted parts :P hahahaha)

Maybe I am just being a control freak, not being able to know how he feels is making me crazy.. And not being able to control the way I've been feeling is also making me mental. 

We should...

I definitely stole this line from Tumblr. Nevertheless, I really believe that this is how we should fall in love. That way, we can be certain it is not our hormones, but our minds that are telling us of how we feel. Yeah, I said "minds" since I am a realist and I do know that our hearts are only made for blood related purposes (I think you know this, too). 

---This is a really insensible post... I know. Just wanted to let my few readers know that my blog is still active and I am actually still alive.. :)

How Momo Prays Before Eating

It's amazing how I was able to train my dog to not eat until I have told him that he could do so. On the other hand, it is vexing how he appears to be very thin in the video, when the fact is he isn't. T_T