What I Want

He asked me what I wanted.

I didn't respond.

It's not that I couldn't

or don't know what I want

It's that one is impossible

and the other makes me scared

because I'm not sure if he'd do it

or if he'd choose to or want it.

Probably not because if he did,

he would already know the answer.

Maybe he's just waiting for me

to say that what I really want is goodbye.

Something he can't admit to himself,

so he'd like me to initiate the end.

He asked me what I wanted,

and boy did I want to respond -

That what I wanted was for him

to want, love, and fight for me

like I want, love, and fight for us.

He asked me what I wanted,

and it took strength to not say

that what I wanted was to go back

to the time when everything was fine.

There was no doubt in my mind,

nor suspicion in my heart. 

All I knew was he loved me

so much that I felt like

I didn't deserve it.

Well, funny how it appears

that I truly didn't deserve it anyway

Since now it seems

that he never felt that way for real.

He asked me what I wanted

and I couldn't respond

not because I don't know what I want,

but because I'm tired of always,

always being the one

who has to put up a fight.